We all have that one thing we think we want to do, but we just can't bring ourselves to do it. And even if we do manage to get started, it's not always easy to follow through. Yeah — I get it. Motivation can be challenging, both when starting something and continuing to its logical conclusion.
Like most people, my motivation has been a roller coaster. In some situations and at certain times, I'm the most motivated person on the planet. And other times? Oof! But it has been much better in recent years, since I discovered some of the secrets of motivation, from an easy-to-understand "formula" to ways to revive it when it starts to flag. I use these motivation secrets with my coaching clients (and myself!), and it can be completely life-changing. So if you're ready to get off the wild ride of ebbing and flowing motivation, I have some hacks that can help you get up, get started, and keep going.
Start by Setting a Goal
The first step is to define what you want. Stick with a single goal (one at a time is always best, allowing yourself time to establish it and get into the flow before adding another). For instance, in the past year or so, I've been working on improving my health before I turn 60 (which happens this year). There are multiple factors to this goal, but I worked on one single goal at a time... start eating healthier, start exercising, get more sleep, practice self-care, etc. I started with just the eating goal and gave myself a month or so to establish that before adding in something else.
The most important thing in goal setting is making sure that the goal you set is for you because it's something you want to do. If you're setting a goal to please someone else, get someone off your back, because you think it's something you should do (even though you don't want to), etc., then you'll face an uphill battle to succeed.
Related: 100+ Determination Quotes to Fuel Your Drive to Succeed
Motivation Is Selling Your Goal to Yourself
It's such a simple concept, and I can't believe it took me over five decades to grasp this. But when I finally did, it was like a light bulb moment. So the very first secret to motivation is this: you are both the consumer and the salesperson in the motivation equation. And you need to provide the same types of persuasion to yourself that you would if you were trying to sell something to someone else.
My work background is in marketing, and my husband used to joke that "marketing is anything that misleads to a sale." So I want to be clear: I'm not talking about misleading midnight infomercial sales tactics, here. I'm talking about a different type of sales where the salesperson (in this case, you) forms a partnership with the customer (also you) in order to find viable solutions to a problem the customer is trying to solve.
When a customer has an urgent need to find a solution, the salesperson can become their biggest ally to discover the most effective solution to fulfill that need. In a healthy, non-exploitative sales relationship, this is a valuable and useful partnership that doesn't involve any tricks or sleights of hand: just two like-minded individuals working together to find a solution.
In the case of motivation, you are both customer and salesperson, and you're looking to discover the best path to your desired solution.
Don't try to trick yourself into doing something. You know how if a salesperson misleads you into a sale, eventually you figure it out and get frustrated, and you'll probably never buy anything from that salesperson again? It's the same if you do it to yourself. So, for the best chance of success, always be honest in your goal setting and ideation.
There's a Formula for Motivation
It's not an exact mathematical formula, in that you can't actually plug numbers in. But you can plug in thoughts and values and adjust those to find a way to motivate yourself. Here, we'll use a simplified version of the , a formula from the social sciences that can help you increase your own motivation.
Motivation = (Expectation * Value)/Cost
- Expectation: Essentially, whether you believe you can actually do a thing (and how much you believe it)
- Value: Why it's important to you to do it — what value that thing will bring to your life
- Cost: What it costs you (time, effort, emotional load, money, etc.) to do the thing
Put the Formula to Use
When you're trying to motivate yourself to do something (exercise, save money, read more, start a creative project, get up earlier... whatever it is), the first thing you need to do is to write the goal and then create a list of each factor of the above forumula for what you're trying to motivate yourself to do. I always recommend writing it down as a great way to get started (I actually keep a journal). I'll provide an example below of how I motivated myself to start going back to the gym after several (ahem) decades of absence.
| Expectation (Why I expect I can do it) | Value (Why it's important) | Cost (What it'll cost me) |
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You can make this list for anything — from starting your novel to kicking the caffeine habit. Just be brutally honest with yourself for each category.
Identify Areas Where You May Need to Make Adjustments
Once you have your initial honest list, you may find that what you have listed as the cost just seems way too high compared to your expectation or value. Or, you may find that you realize that you find a lot of value in doing the thing, but that you're expectation is extremely poor (in other words, you doubt that you can do it). You could even find that you have high expectations, and the cost is low, but you don't really value that thing as much as you thought you would. In any of these situations, it then becomes easy to identify what is causing your motivation to flag.
Adjust Expectations
If your expectation is poor, but your value is high and your cost is low, then to become motivated, adjust your expectations. If you look at my list above, what you see are my adjusted expectations that I wrote once I realized I didn't really have much expectation that I could start and keep exercising.
I am a perfectionist, and I come from the 1980s fitness culture when it was a no-pain-no-gain, all-or-nothing mentality where if it didn't burn, it didn't count. And my original list under expectations reflected this mentality. I just couldn't imagine immediately jumping on a stair stepper for 45 minutes (or even 20 minutes) or heading out for a run. But I knew that I could do almost anything for five minutes, so that's where I set my initial expectations. And instead of running or using a stair stepper, I started on a recumbent bike to protect my joints and give my body a chance to get moving again.
Once I reset my expectations to something that I did expect I could do (five minutes, listening to my body) and stopped assuming I needed to be the badass 80s version of myself (I was a personal trainer and aerobics instructor, so that was super unrealistic), I was able to find the motivation because now my value and expectation outweighed the perceived cost.
I was able to get on that bike for five minutes on the day I wrote that list. After all, I could do anything for five minutes. Then six. Then 10. Then 20. A year later, I'm running three times per week, spending an hour at a time on the stair stepper, and going on long hikes. But I did it five minutes at a time, and there are days at the gym when I still motivate myself by saying, "Just five more minutes — I can do anything for five minutes," and then doing that 12 times to get my full hour in on the stair stepper.
Having a perfectionist or all-or-nothing attitude is one of the biggest killers of motivation! I understand this type of thinking, but being kind to yourself and meeting yourself where you are are essential to ongoing motivation. Always check in to see if your perfectionism is keeping you from doing things you really want to do.
Adjust Value
If you truly don't find enough value in what you're doing, you'll never be motivated to do it. So, if your value is low, list all the reasons it has value (you can even look up "benefits of (the thing)" and list those. Then see if some of those matter to you. If you still can't find value in it, you may want to adjust your goal to something that you do value, since this is such a critical part of the formula.
For example, say I'd set a specific fitness goal of riding a bike, but I just couldn't find any value in that (I've never been much of a cyclist). But I love to hike. So, I would adjust my goal to hiking (or just overall fitness, which is what I ultimately did) so that my fitness goals were something I valued. If you don't value it enough, you'll probably struggle to find the motivation to do it, so you'll need to shift to something you do value.
Adjust Cost
What if your cost is just too high — for example, it's too expensive to join a gym, or the amount of time you think you'll need to take away from your family to write that novel is just too much? There are ways to adjust costs by finding less expensive options. For example, instead of joining a gym, go out for a walk. Instead of locking yourself away for hours every day to write a book, chunk the time costs by writing a paragraph a day, a chapter a week, or something more reasonable. In other words, make the costs reasonable so that it's something you feel you can afford.
Do It!
Once you have your formula locked in, chances are you'll find the motivation, so what's left is the doing. Don't put it off. Give yourself an easy start and follow through with your commitment to yourself. Look at it this way: you probably don't promise things to other people and then just let them down by not doing what you said. And YOU are just as important as other people, so treat yourself like you would anyone else and keep your promise to yourself.
If you simply can't bring yourself to do it, it's time to revisit your list and see if you were completely honest about your desires, expectations, values, and/or perceived costs. It may be that the thing just isn't as important to you right now as you thought it might be.
Track Your Results
There's something so satisfying about recording your positive results. So whether it's by keeping a food log (for healthier eating), keeping track of miles, journaling about how much fitter your body feels, or seeing the chapters progress in your novel, try to keep some type of physical record so you can go back and look at how you're doing. Visualizing your ongoing success is incredibly rewarding and motivating.
Revisit and Adjust Your Goals & Lists
It won't take long before you've established a habit and are on the path to success (which, I would argue, is the actual success — stepping onto and staying on the path to whatever it is you want to achieve). And that's great! However, to stay motivated, you need to continually revisit your goals and the formula, because as you adapt and change in response to real-world events, these items will also change.
You may notice new benefits you never imagined, for example. Or, now that you're having some success, you may discover that your expectations for success are even higher than they were before, or the costs are lower. Add to, subtract from, and remake your list at regular intervals to remain motivated.
Re-Evaluate When Motivation Flags
If your motivation flags, it's time to re-evaluate. Is this something that you still value? Has your expectation changed? Has the cost gotten higher? Does this goal even matter to you anymore? If it doesn't, would a different goal matter more?
Staying motivated is an ongoing process that requires continued self-evaluation and honesty. It's okay to let goals that no longer matter fall by the wayside after an honest evaluation. It's okay to establish new goals. After all, this is your life, and these are your commitments to yourself. The key is to always be honest with yourself and practice self-compassion. It's always okay to change your mind and move on to something else if your goal no longer works for you.
How do you know when motivation worked? When that thing you wanted is now just part of your identity, you're there. For instance, going to the gym was once just who I was. Then, it wasn't for years. Now, I can't imagine not doing it — it has once again become part of who I am.
Motivation Is a Skill
Motivation is an active and ongoing process, and you have a ton of control over how motivated you are to do something. In fact, it's a learned skill rather than something you're either born with or not, and working the formula and periodically re-evaluating is an essential part of succeeding. Once you've cracked the motivation code, you can apply it to virtually anything you'd like to start and keep doing.
