91PORNY

As a kid, I always thought adults had it all together. My parents were so... responsible. So naturally, I assumed that the second I turned 18, I'd be just like that. Then I became an adult, and I realized something. My parents were totally faking it. 

Our team (Carrie, Megan, Kate, and I) recently sat down for a chat about all the ways we're failing at adulting. We range in age from almost 30 to almost 60, and each of us is struggling to adult in some key areas of our lives. But to kids, I bet we look like we have it all together. So if you, like us, are struggling to adult in all the ways, find comfort in knowing you're not alone. We see you!

Beautifully folded fitted sheets are aspirational. As far as I'm concerned, they're also impossible. I've watched the videos, and I've tried and tried to emulate them. It never happens for me, and I've come to realize it never will. For a while, my linen closet looked like shelves of wadded messes, but then I found a workaround — stuffing it all in a pillowcase, tidying the pillowcase, and putting that on the shelf, instead. It is what it is. Folding fitted sheets will always be my white whale. 

My mother made the bed every day (and we did, too, when we were kids). And yes — I know it only takes a minute or two to do it. But c'mon... who's going to see it? I love the way my bed looks when it's all made up with all the pretty toss pillows on it, but let's be real. As soon as I make it, my cats mess it up anyway.

So yeah. Some days, I make the bed. But other days, not so much. It's all good. If company is coming, the bed is made. Otherwise, it's a crapshoot as to whether it'll happen or not. And honestly, I like slipping into a rumpled bed at night anyway, because I can't stand having sheets tucked around my feet. 

Related: 7 Moments That Made Us Realize We're Not as Young as We Thought

On our team, I'm the one who is nearing 60, and I've always chafed at being told how I should dress. I like to dress in stuff that makes me happy — mostly cute, free-flowing boho stuff or the polar opposite way with things like well-worn jeans, leather moto jackets, and Dr. Martens boots (plus a ton of gym clothes). I know that neither of these style choices is "age appropriate," and you know what... I'm good with it because it makes me happy and confident (and comfy). 

Carrie and I agree on this one: budgeting is hard. Making a budget, sure... I can do that. But sticking to it? Not so much. Where's the fun in that? I'd love to say I've tried, but if I'm being honest, I haven't. I've been able to do it during especially lean times out of necessity, but once we started having a little disposable income, it all went out the window. 

Carrie struggles with getting the right amount of sleep on a consistent basis, and I totally get it. With sleep (especially when you have younger kids, but it's still a struggle long after they've flown the coop), it often feels like feast or famine. We know all about the "right" things to do for proper sleep hygiene, and you'd think we'd do it, but nah. From screens right before bed to not getting out of bed at the same time every morning (weekends are for sleeping in, right?), our sleep habits still resemble what they were when we were teens. But hey — that's what caffeine is for!

For our entire team, browsing shopping websites and recommending products is part of our jobs. So, as you might imagine, "add to cart" comes into play more than we'd probably prefer to admit. But even before buying stuff became as easy as clicking a button, some of us struggled with avoiding those impulse buys. But hey, as long as the bills are paid, it's okay to treat ourselves once in a while, right?

My mother used to always say, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," as she plied us with toast, juice, and cereal (it was the 70s). Thing is, while I love breakfast foods, I've never been a breakfast eater. My body's natural rhythms are more along the lines of eating my first meal at around 11 AM, hours after I've been awake. I still struggle to bring myself to eat breakfast, although it's a necessity since I need to have a little something in my stomach before I go to the gym. So, for now, my "healthy" breakfast consists of a protein bar or a protein shake just so I won't pass out on the stair stepper. And on non-gym days? Bye-bye, breakfast. 

Car maintenance is no fun, and my car seems to run okay without it, so... 

I do actually understand why regular car maintenance is a thing. And if I didn't get it, a recent spin out on a rainy day on the freeway (fortunately, there was no traffic around) when my car's tires had just hit their warranty date (really, I planned to get to it within the next month or so) showed me why I need to be so on top of it. What can I say? I'm working on it.

I learned to parallel park just long enough to pass my driving test. Haven't done it since. If there are only parallel spaces somewhere I need to go, I'll drive to a spot where there are easier parking spots and walk. 

Kate struggles with making a left turn it traffic. She says, "It gets my anxiety enough that sometimes, I just avoid it altogether." Thank goodness that three right turns make a left. Sure, you may have to go a little further, but it's totally worth it.

All of us agree that eating enough vegetables is impossible. According to Carrie, "Nobody eats enough vegetables. You'd have to start first thing in the morning and eat nothing else all day. " Amen.

Megan struggles with cooking dinner after a full day work.  "Weekends are easier," she says, "But managing to start dinner BEFORE I’m hungry? Impossible!"

Megan also admits to struggling to manage a yearly schedule. "Crossing off all of the little annual things you need to get done is always overwhelming to me," she says. I totally get it, Megan. I start my yearly calendar with the best of intentions, but procrastination is the name of my game, sister. 

One of Kate's adulting fails is using a fireproof safe. "Years ago, my sister (who is super responsible) told me that she and her husband bought a fireproof safe for their important documents and stuff. So I ordered one too. The thing came and was incredibly heavy. We got it downstairs, put it in a corner, and then just forgot about it. It’s still there, but there’s nothing in it."

My grandparents kept their important documents in the freezer, and my parents always stressed the importance of putting them somewhere safe. Like Kate, we bought one. Currently it only holds our passports, and those are there just so we don't lose them (if we remember to put them back when we return home). 

If there's one form of failing to adult that I excel at, it's losing small stuff like my cell phone and keys. Yep. I've heard the suggestion of having a hook by the door and always putting them there. Not so much. I alleviated it somewhat by buying a car with keyless entry and installing a touchpad front door lock, but I still need my keys with me. So now, they're just lost somewhere in my bag since I never pull them out. 

We all agreed that we struggle to use everything we buy. Carrie says, "I buy things that are a great idea at the time, and then I leave them unused — which is how we happened to have a two-year-old dehumidifier that was still in the box when the basement flooded." 

I recently cleaned out my closet to get rid of clothing that no longer fit. I probably found five or six things with the tags still on that I somehow failed to ever wear.

For years, one of our spare bedrooms was filled with fitness equipment that we used to hang clothes on. Several months ago, we cleared it out to create our dream closet and give our clothes real places to hang. We gave away some of the equipment and moved the rest into a different room, where it still mostly collects dust. 

Sure, we fail to adult in some critical ways, but it turns out we're okay with all of it. According to Carrie, "We're not hurting anyone (except ourselves and our bank accounts), we end up giving away a lot of things, which is charitable, and we always have something about ourselves to work on and improve.  And I've made peace with it all — there are far worse things that we could be failing at."

But what Kate said summed it up best. "I think that as you get older, you mostly realize you can’t be perfect at everything. I live with three people with ADHD, at least one of whom has autism, too. And I’m definitely not neurotypical myself. Somehow, I’m the person who is supposed to manage all the executive functioning tasks of the household, even though I’m very disorganized and messy myself. At some point, I started cutting myself slack for imperfection.

"It’s also all about priorities. I’d rather have three cats than a fur-free house. I’d rather do fun stuff with my kids instead of cleaning or making sure everyone had all the veggies. Adulting does not bring joy. It’s just about doing the things that make it possible to have a good life. Once the bare minimum is done, I really don’t think it’s that important."